So i had a major vanilla thing to do. Had to be away for about a week. Was a ton of emotions. Happy, excited, nervous, disappointed, lonely, lost, alone, anxious, relief.
Lots right? Yea. By the end of the week i was exhausted. Physically, but more emotionally.
So here i am away and alone without my normal, can't do my routines, and have limited contact with Master.
i was lost. i was confused. i was alone. All i wanted to do was to return home and get back to my security. Wanted to be under His wing again.
Made me think if i can continue, or would i want to continue, my life without Him. i mean, here i am away with not much contact for a long period of time and far away from home. Here is my chance to do anything i want, right? Could i do it? Would i want to do it? (Really no, because the guilt of disobeying Him would eat at me until i caved.......).
Big big big answer was, NO.
i CAN'T do it, and i DO NOT WANT to do it. The only thing that would happen if i left Master would be to find another Dom. How dumb is that, when i am owned by the perfect one?!
Even more i realized how i never want to be without Him and how much i need Him.
The relief of being back to Him felt so amazingly good. i felt so much better.
i'm not sharing this thought with you because i was unhappy with Master. i'm sharing this to show that i can't be without Him. That without my routine and without Him in my life just doesn't make sense. Being His submissive and being owned by Him is the only thing that keeps me grounded.
i do hope you understand how much a Dom can mean to a sub. i hope this does make sense.........
...i'm so happy and relieved to be back.
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